Grief comes in many, many forms: the loss of a loved one, loss of a pet, loss of a job, loss of a relationship, loss of freedom through a pandemic and sometimes living with reality. The latter is the case for me this month. In reality, grief has become apparent.
Stepping back into the day-to-day responsibilities, the busy schedule, the demands of the to-do lists, and meeting the expectations of producing has my heart grieving. So much internal conflict as I move back into doing instead of the freedom of being that our sabbatical brought into my life. If only…… my mind has many tricks that add to the grief.
It truly is a hard place to be, because truth is that I LOVE the work that I do having an impact and making a difference in people’s lives on a daily basis. It fills my cup! So why does my heart feel full of grief? I only wish I had the answer to this question. All I know is that it hurts. The hard part for humans sometimes is sitting in the pain. Embracing the hurt. Learning from it. Turning toward it to learn the lessons the grief is bringing to us and in this case to me.
One thing I do know for sure is that I must redesign my life or the priorities in my life is a better way to say it. As I sit in the grief, I am learning that I need to create “more space” in my life to just be, to honor myself, and nurture my soul. I need to let go of some of the burdens I feel in life and within responsibilities. For as long as I can remember, I have taken on an over-exaggerated sense of responsibility. High expectations personally and also from others bring on even heavier burdens as I trudge through life.
It is time to let go of it all. To be intentional with and embrace that grief is in the reality sometimes. The next step is designing what needs to be different as I embrace more being vs. doing in my life.
What are you grieving? What impact does that have on you? What will be your next steps?
Written by: Cella Hartline