Growing Together

Couples Coaching

Written By: Cella Hartline

Are you growing as a couple?  Maybe one of you is growing and the other is not.  What I mean when I ask about growing is, are you growing intellectually, emotionally, and mentally?  I suppose it is about growing wider physically too, but let’s leave this one out of the discussion.  The truth is you are either growing or regressing.  Which one do you pick?

No one ever said that growth is easy.  It takes commitment, dedication, tenacity to learn, and to stretch out of your comfort zone. Then you need to integrate what you are learning into the day to day habitual patterns.

Choosing to not grow can cause many unpleasant things to happen within a relationship.  Here are just a few thoughts:

  • Boredom, complacency or status quo syndrome; sometimes this results in looking for stimulus outside of the relationship
  • Fear of growing apart. This often happens when one partner is growing and the other is not.
  • Results in lack of direction or goals for life and your relationship
  • Close-mindedness/limited thinking which results in the lack of creativity and potential options
  • Scarcity mentality
  • Lack of fulfillment or manifesting of the gifts you have been given

What comes up for you when you read this list?  Did you see yourself or traits of your partner?  Ideally, as partners we should be helping each other grow in all aspects of life. This is so that you can both be the best that you can be individually and together. Today make a commitment to grow together!

Our best tips:

  • Be intentional about growth
  • Choose to read and discuss a relationship book together on a regular basis
  • Attend a couple’s retreat annually or biannually at minimum
  • Determine a growth goal with your partner which has accountability built into it
  • Support each other’s growth and attempts at change
  • Celebrate and have fun with your growth experiences

The choice remains, are you choosing to grow or regress?  Which of the above will have the greatest impact long-term on your relationship?  What is your next growth adventure?  As you take growth steps, do remember that your habitual patterns will always be lurking, pulling you right back into your complacency or comfort zone.  Keep pushing up against your comfort zone, because growth only happens outside of it.


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